yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
