break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
