Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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