I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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