Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize