You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
