my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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