how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
