Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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