She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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