It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
