Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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