i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
