Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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