careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
