just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
