Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
