awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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