They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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