you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
