Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it's like heaven, but drunker
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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