I'm lost and stupid without you.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We talked him into tasing himself.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
