just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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