So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I puked a lego.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
