Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
