so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
