dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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