Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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