dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
What drink are we having for lunch?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
