U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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