I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
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I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
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