he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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