Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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