mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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