I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
