Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just high enough for therapy.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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