dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
