this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
