Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
