Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.