Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid