i need an iv and a liver transplant
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
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eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
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I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.