Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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