I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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