john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
