You're completely useless in the revolution.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
