You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
God I need to hump something, right now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
