My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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