Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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