lets start a swedish sibling band together
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
