I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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