You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
