Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
