I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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