The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
