Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
