I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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