Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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