I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
